Posts Tagged ‘yuks’

Funny Jokes

Thursday, November 6, 2014 posted by Martin
What A Shot Engraved Stones

What a Shot Engraved Stones

These are even better than a personalized stone etching.

  •  Why don’t the zoo animals gamble for money?

Answer:  Because there are too many cheetahs there.

  • Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.
  • Moses and the Lord descended to play a round of golf at PGA National. The 17th hole is over 210 yards of water. The Lord uses his hybrid club and lands on the green about 30 feet from the hole. Moses hits his 5 iron and lands in the water.   He tries again with the same result.  The Lord says “Moses, use a longer club.”  Moses says, “Last month I saw Tiger woods and he reached the green with a six iron; and I want to get inside your ball.  But let me play it from the lie?”  “OK Moses. As you wish.”

Two minutes later another foursome comes to the tee and asks the Lord. “Who is that standing in the middle of the water?  Is it Jesus?”  The lord replies…”No.  He thinks he’s Tiger Woods.”

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Signs and Headlines That Will Make You Laugh

Sunday, February 17, 2013 posted by Martin
Be Happy Greeting Stones

Be Happy Engraved Stones

You’ll enjoy these real-life signs and headlines even more than personalized engraved corporate gifts.

Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter
They put in a correction the next day.

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says, Really?

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Now that’s taking tings a bit far!

 Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
That’s what he gets for eating those beans!

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Chainsaw Massacre all over again!

Hospitals are Sued by  7 Foot Doctors
Boy, are they tall!

And the winner is….

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery;
Hundreds Dead
Did I read that right?

We all need a good laugh, at least once a day!  Humor lifts your burdens, inspires hopes, improves your relationships, and improves your focus and time-on-task.  According to Dr. Paul E. McGhee, Ph.D.”

Your sense of humor is one of the most powerful tools you have to make certain that your daily mood and emotional state support good health.


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More Funny Signs and Headlines

Thursday, February 14, 2013 posted by Martin
Be Happy Greeting Stones
Be Happy Engraved Stones

You’ll enjoy these even more than clever birthday greetings.

 Panda Mating Fails –  Veterinarian Takes Over
What a guy!

Miners Refuse to Work after Death.
Good-for-nothing, lazy so-and-so’s!

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
See if that works any better than a fair trial!

War Dims Hope for Peace
I can see where it might have that effect!

If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly,
It May Last Awhile
Ya think?

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Who would have thought!

London Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
They may be on to something!

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
You mean there’s something stronger than duct tape?

Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
He probably IS the battery charge!

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Weren’t they fat enough?

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks Do they taste like chicken?

Keep laughing!  Laughter is the best medicine.  It relaxes the whole body.  A good, hearty laugh relieves physical tension and stress, leaving your muscles relaxed for up to 45 minutes after.

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One liners

Thursday, January 10, 2013 posted by Martin
Inspirational Stones

Be Happy Inspirational Stones

Growing up, we were so poor that we had to move in with a homeless family.

Everything is great now that my mother-in-law went on a pleasure trip.  We bought her a one way airline ticket.

My wife asked me to take her somewhere she’d never been before, so I took her to the kitchen.

It was sooo collld last week that the ice cubes refused to leave the freezer.

I get enough exercise these days just pushing my luck.

A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn’t pay his bill, so he gave him another six months.

Following the man’s annual physical, the doctor said I have some good news and some bad news.  The patient responds, “What’s the good news?”  The doctor says your penis grew an inch.  The patient responds, “That’s great news. What’s the bad news?”  The doctor responds “It’s malignant.”

A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man’s chest. The man asks, “Doc, how do I stand?” The doctor says, “That’s what puzzles me.”
I’m now making a Jewish porno film –  10% Sex, 10% inspirational stones and 80% guilt.

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